Our best family Christmas photo of the year. It is so hard to get a good picture of our family. Gunner and Ed both hate having their pictures taken. But I wanted to show our precious family at Christmas. A lot has happened between Christmas and now. In an act of obedience once again, I am going to expose my latest life hurt to my blogging and Facebook friends. My blog is set up to feed into my notes on Facebook so you could see it both places. If you are a blogger I'm going to be silly and ask you to comment (if you so desire) on my blog not Facebook.
Wow--this is harder to start than I thought...
The family picture is special to me because at the time I was 8 weeks pregnant and having wonderful dreams of what our family would look like next Christmas. Would we have another boy or another girl? How would Gunner and Rylee welcome this new baby into our family? Would I be breastfeeding again? Would I be having many sleepless nights again or would this one be my good sleeper? How would Ed be with baby #3?
Dreams, questions, and thoughts of a how adding this new life to our family would change everything. The sad fact is that this baby, which is actually baby #4 in our family, will and has changed everything but will not live with us on earth. This baby will spend all of its days in the presence of the Lord. This baby will never know the pain and hurt I am experiencing right now. This baby will live with our baby Rose, with Uncle Brian, with my MeeMaw and Pa, with my PawPaw and with Ed's mom whom I have never met. We will have a great reunion one day. Until then I will look for the Lord in this hurt. I will trust in Him. I will share with others my hurt and pain.
In the next couple of days I have decided to blog some emails that I sent to my dear friends during the past couple of weeks with the details and timeline of how everything has happened and I hope to show God's faithfulness in those emails. I hope to show others how He has made a difference for me in this dark time.
I certainly have not arrived by any means but for me this is part of my journey of healing.
Psalm 56:8
You've kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.
5 comments:
My precious Kathy, you have never been far from my thoughts and prayers these past couple of days since I heard about your little angel. I love you friend, I am here, you are loved, wrapped in Jesus' arms...just as your angel is...love you!
Kathy I am thinking of you and am so sorry. I can feel your pain, as I too have two little angels up there in Heaven waiting to meet me. You are in my prayers and I can truely say, I know what you are going through..hang in there. Melanie
Kathy, I am so sorry. I had no idea...so thank you for sharing. Thank you because I want to be there for you, if only to pray, and to understand. We love you and will be lifting you all up.
Kath - so sorry yet again. You are incredible woman. Sharing this will hopefully help heal you and those that read your blog...
Kathy, I just love you so much. Know that I am with you on this journey. It has been very healing to blog about losing Landon and I hope that is the same for you. You are so dear to my heart. I love you and am praying for you daily.
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