Baby Rose

Last Tuesday in the midst of mourning my Papa who had so peacefully returned to be with the Lord after 86 wonderful years on earth, another precious life on earth was peacefully ending and going on to be with the Lord.

This life was short. We had lost our baby during the eleventh week of pregnancy.

At my Papa’s funeral, his lineage was represented by a flower arrangement. A flower for each child, grandchild, and great-grandchild. There was also a rose bud representing his great-grandchild on the way.

Because of the rose bud, and because Daddy was convinced she was a girl, we decided it was appropriate to name her Rose. It was only later that we realized, the names Gunner and Rose, sound similar to a popular 80's rock-n-roll band.

Right now I have an aching question on my heart that I must share. If as believers we believe the bible says that life begins at conception, then why is it that we do not memorialize the loss of life of the unborn? I do not have any idea of how to memorialize. A funeral seems too much, but at least when a loved one dies we do have the funeral which brings us some closure and healing can begin. As we are faced with this miscarriage, the loss of our baby, I feel as if we have no outlet or starting point for the healing to begin.

I am 32 years old and for at least 12 years of my life, my biggest fear was miscarriage. Now we are having to face it. As Ed and I sat in the office visiting with the nurse she told us it was a loss and we would be sad, that there was no right or wrong way to feel or to deal with it. There is a wrong way for us, and that is to deal with it alone.

My plan for 12 years was that if it ever did happen I wanted as few people to know as possible. I now believe that God placed a burden on my heart and that Satan turned that into fear. Fear does not come from the Lord. I believe God has asked me to share this burden so that as a church family you can pray us through this difficult time. I know many of you cannot fully understand and still many others can. Your prayers will be different, we cherish all of them.