The Hitchcock Family

What's Been Going On?

2012-01-21T08:38:00.003-06:00

I last posted May 2010...that was a long time ago! A ton has gone on in the last 8 months but this post is not about me (or my awesome family). This post is about my dear friend Courtney Belle Bullard! She is an amazing woman who serves the Lord in amazing ways. Ways that only the Lord could orchestrate. Her latest new is that she has written a book that is set to release in March. Check out her website for details of the book. thesamepagebook.com

Check out and follow her blog for news on her book and what's going on in Ghana.

I am seriously blessed to have Courtney as a friend. I know many of you feel the same way. Show her some love and post about the book and blog too!

Play Dough

2011-05-01T15:59:00.003-05:00

This is somewhat random but I thought I would post the homemade play dough recipe that I use. It's great to use for Sunday School class, BSF, or just fun at home with the kids. I am delivering a meal to a family tonight that just welcomed a new baby to their family and put together some play dough for the older siblings. (I've never done that before but was inspired today for some reason--could be the cloudy day is making me think of fun things to do with kids indoors!)

Bring to boil:
2 cups water
Food coloring of your choice
3 tablespoons vegetable oil

Mix together separately in large bowl:
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tablespoon powdered alum (can be found with the spices at WalMart)
1/2 cup salt

Pour boiling water mixture over flour mixture. Mix, cool slightly, and knead well. Store in airtight container or plastic bag. It will keep for a long time.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-23T14:26:00.003-05:00

Seems like this is the only post I can get done these days...I've got lots of things going on just not the time to blog.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-23T15:43:00.005-06:00

Gunner's Birthday Party...finally he is 5!
Been claiming 5 since he was 2!
(this pic is a few months old)

Rylee is having fun with her dress up stuff she got for Christmas from MeeMaw!

Short Order Cook and The Menu

2011-02-04T10:13:00.005-06:00

***woohoo...for once I uploaded my pictures in the order I wanted them!***

With the blizzard of 2011 we are hunkered down in the house waiting for the thaw. Yesterday I decided to try to have some fun with lunch. Afterall, we have to eat so why not make if fun. I made a menu for the kids and let them choose what they had for lunch. I was the "cook" or "worker" and the kids were my customers. Gunner was into it! At one point he came to me and asked if there was a bathroom in this place. I told him "yes, just past the stairs to your right." After I made my lunch (yes the 3rd lunch of the day) I sat down at the table and Gunner told me I was a worker and was not suppose to eat with them!

Gunner was not so thrilled when he could not order his dinner and was forced to eat what I made for me and Ed. But this morning I added breakfast to the menu so all is well again. Ed asked if this was my idea...not sure. It seems like maybe someone else told me about doing this but I cannot recall who. So if it was your idea let me know...I'm happy to give credit where credit it due!

Rylee checking out the menu...so many choices!

Gunner is making suggestions to Rylee.

Rylee is making her own choices!

The Menu!

Gunner busted out the piggy bank to pay for the meal!

Gunner's dessert...square crackers and round crackers.
And just so no one thinks I brain wash my kids into eating crackers instead of cookies...the "round" crackers have cinnamon and sugar on them and the square crackers...well they turn into sugar once they are consumed!

Rylee is having dessert envy...she picked go-gurt but wants what Gunner has!
Another example of giving a 2 year old too many choices going bad!

Drama!

Now she is all smiles...after finishing her go-gurt she ordered circle and square crackers!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T21:44:00.003-06:00

Yes that's my Rylee Bug in a blue wig!

1st Day of Pre-K

2010-11-03T20:49:00.004-05:00

Back in August Gunner started Pre-K and I am just now getting around to documenting it. He was excited but honestly had no idea what he was getting into. He has loved making new friends and has done great academically. Here are a few pics of meet the teacher night and 1st day of school.

Meet the teacher night...legos are cool...I could go play with legos mom...

Yes, he is only starting Pre-K even though he is the height of a 2nd grader!

Great pic of Gunner and Ed.

This is pre-tears for mom!

Hand in hand...I love this picture of them!

One last squeeze from mommy!

I think by this point he was past being tired of having his picture taken. He just wanted to color and do his new school thing!

Rylee's 2!

2010-11-03T19:56:00.006-05:00

Rylee Kathryn is 2! And a beautiful, bubbley, girly girly beyound belief. She loves her Momma, Daddy and Nunner. Every morning she wakes up wanting to see Daddy and Gunner. She goes to a Mommy and me dance class, BSF, preschool and of course our church. She loves her family and she loves to see her friends. We celebrated with a few of her friends by having a Tutu and bow party. The girls came in their favorite tutu and bow. We danced a little, opened gifts and ate cup cakes with hot pink frosting.

Rylee got a new shirt with a 2 and her name on it and a giant bow to match. She looked a.dor.a.ble!

Cup cakes to match her shirt and bow!

Party favors for her friends...each guest got a tutu and bow (yes, made by me).

Opening her gifts.

Tea anyone?

Rylee and a buddy dancing.

Love her sweet face!

Yummy cup cakes! Yep...love that sweet face too!

1st Day of Pre-K

2010-09-22T14:24:00.005-05:00

****Editors note...just found this in my drafts. I guess I had started 1st day of school documentation long ago. It was too good not to go ahead and post.****

Well the 1st day of Pre-K was September 20th so I think being a month behind is not too bad. Actually I know it's pathetic.

We started all day (8:55-3:20) Pre-K. (Suddenly I'm a little freaked out by all the stalkers who might be ready my blog so I don't know that I'm going to say much more than that...)

Gunner is one of 22 in his class. 22 4 year olds oh my! I can only imagine the craziness that goes on in that classroom but I have to say Gunner loves it. The first week or so of school he told me he wanted to stay home with me and boy was it tempting to let my little guy just hang out with Momma and Rylee but we went anyway. He never complained once we got there and didn't come home in tears. As a matter of fact I have been told that he is eager to do what the teacher has planned for them. So eager sometimes that he forgets to listen to what they are suppose to be doing! He was the helper yesterday and was beaming from ear to ear. Gunner has made several new best friends. Hayden seems to be the consistent one that he talks about. Hayden is in another Pre-K class and they met on the playground. It amazes me the social life of a 4 year old. Seriously, would I suddenly make a best friend if I was thrown on a playground or would I stick to myself and not reach out to anyone. Gunner wants to do something special or have someone over every day after school. The boy is social, he loves to be with people.

Everyday when the kids arrive in their classroom they go to the smart board and move their picture to either the "Hot Lunch" side or "Cold Lunch" side. I was asking Gunner about using the smart board and trying to get some feedback from him and we had a great conversation about lunches it when something like this:

Me "Gunner do you move your picture on the smart board to hot lunch or cold lunch each morning?"

Gunner "You mean spicy lunch?"

Me "Spicy lunch?"

Gunner "Yes mom spicy lunch. Mom spicy lunch is totally disgusting. The kids who have spicy lunch don't eat anything. It is totally disgusting!"

I rolled when he was telling me it was "totally disgusting" seriously, who talks like that? It must be Ed! Gunner also had the best facial expressions with a hint of an eye roll. Needless to say, Gunner is always a cold lunch! PB&J everyday!

Pics from the first day...

You guessed it...Wordless Wednesday!

2010-08-18T15:35:00.003-05:00

OK...maybe just maybe I will make an actual entry in the days to come...as for now I'm "wordless"! (These are from our recent trip to see my sister.)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-11T09:38:00.003-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-21T14:03:00.003-05:00

Mommy & Me Dance Class w/ Tippi Toes

2010-07-20T19:44:00.003-05:00

Mommy and Rylee have been going to a Mommy & Me dance class for 5 weeks and having a great time. Yes, Rylee is too young and really doesn't get what its all about. I am very willing to admit that but I love doing girly things with her (especially since we do so many boy things with Gunner). It is actually great therapy for her arm, it gets her to stretch that left arm and put it in positions (beach ball, sunshine, airplane) you don't always do which is building her range and strength.

She is being a little fish who at the moment is sleeping on a rock but when she wakes up...she will take a shower and brush her teeth and remember each time that she's a fish...fish don't take showers so "let's go swimming, let's go swimming". For the record, Rylee is generally a snoring fish! They are dancing to the Laurie Berkner song Goldfish if your dying to hear the song and have it stuck in your head for days go ahead and click [Goldfish] and you too can be a little fish.

Rylee is really just there for "sticker time" which is at the end of the class and she is required to do a plie before Miss Brittnay will give her a sticker. It is so stinking cute.

So if you momma's are looking for something fun to do with your girls I would highly recommend Miss Brittnay Friske of Tippi Toes. She is great with the girls. I don't know her fall schedule but I know she will have something going!

Playing Cowboys {and cowgirl}

2010-07-19T15:03:00.003-05:00

Oh if I could attach sound to these pictures! (I know I know...VIDEO but I don't have a video camera that I really like and I can't keep one more piece of technology sitting around at hands reach)

Gunner has been into playing cowboys since we saw Toy Story 3 this weekend. It's a hoot to hear what he comes up with! Force fields, bad guys, lost horses with their sticky shoes on...it's awesome! Ed built a 'fort' for them to 'devise a plan' on how to get the bad guys and to rescue the horses that had found themselves on the ceiling...those darn sticky shoes!

Rylee will not be left out. She is all girl 100% of the time...even when she's shooting the bad guys! (and she's a great shot!)

Deep Thoughts by Kathy

2010-07-10T16:45:00.002-05:00

I've not posted in a while (pretty sure that's how I started out my last post) and I've been having some deep thoughts that I thought I would bang out and see what I came up with.

This past Friday I attended a funeral for one of my dearest friend's Nana. I had met Nana a couple of times and I can say that after meeting her only those few times everything that was said about her at her funeral was true. She loved her family. She served those she loved. She lived a long life and loved and served right up until the point she could not do that anymore and at that time she willingly went with her Lord to live forever.

I had not decided if I was going to go to the graveside because Ed and I had planned on having a date night and I wanted to get back in time for dinner and a movie. But as it turned out I had more than enough time to go. Living in Tulsa I can say that I don't feel like I see very many funeral processions. I'm guessing I see more than I realize but because very few people follow the funeral procession etiquette I probably zoom by and don't pay a bit of attention. The funeral was in Guthrie and I can say they have it down. The police had every intersection blocked for us to drive through without stopping. Each police officer stood with their hat off probably not in "attention" stance but a respectful manner to the family as they passed. Traffic going with us and oncoming traffic came to a complete stop as we passed. I even saw a woman who was riding her bike pull over and stop until we had all driven by. It may seem simple and even unnecessary or not realistic but for me it was a breath of fresh air. It was as if each person who stopped and let us pass said "your world is being rocked and instead of going on about my busy life I'm going to stop and show a moment of sympathy and respect for your loss." In the culture we live in life does not stop for anything. Until you loose someone you love and then everything is pushed aside and you are forced to take a day or two to slow down and remember what life is suppose to be about.

I was reminded at Nana's funeral life is suppose to be about family.

This morning I was able to attend a Women's Luncheon at our church and hear Claudia Walthall (click her name to read the Walthall blog) speak about the journey God has taken her on the past 4 years...4 years can that be right? Claudia challenged us to remember the story of the feeding of the 5,000 in John 6 (yep...she was in Thailand and I was in Broken Arrow studying the same thing! I absolutely love BSF and the immersion into God's word and the unity of hearts as believers all over the world walk through the same study each year...why didn't someone invite me sooner?) OK back to what Claudia had to share....do you think that Andrew or the boy with the fish and loaves (or the mother who packed that lunch for that matter) had ANY idea what Jesus was about to do? Or did they just come in obedience and then look to Jesus to do the multiplying? And after it was all said and done (or fed and gathered as left overs) did they sit back and say "WOW! Look what we got to be a part of because of what we were willing to give!" We all have something to give. How often do I see how little I have to give and instead of saying "Lord this is what I have today" I say "I don't have much so I'm going to hold out until I have a little more to give"? I'm not giving Jesus much opportunity to multiply when I do that. How many miracles have I missed out on because I have not been willing to give what I have. Claudia also said something else that stuck out. If your calendar is filled with "to do's" you probably aren't doing what God has planned for you. If its filled with things you can do without his resources you probably have a full and busy life but it leaves little for you to give in order for him to multiply. He intends for you to do the things that will take him and his resources to accomplish.

I was reminded today that life is about giving whatever we have to offer in order to allow God to work.

Well, Gunner is up from his nap so I'm out!

Too busy to blog

2010-06-24T12:27:00.006-05:00

I think I am in good company when I say I have been too busy to blog. It's true...summer has arrived and blogging is at the very bottom of the list of fun things to do!

So, maybe someday I will go back to my evaluation of what I learned at the Beth Moore simulcast...maybe not...

In the mean time, we have had a busy summer so far with swim lessons, VBS, Big Splash, swimming, and much much more that has not been near as exciting like going to the dentist, laundry, cleaning the house, etc, etc, etc.

Some pics of our new toy, Gunner at swim lessons, and Miss Rylee's piggies!

Miss Denise is helping Gunner do a kneeling dive off the diving board! He was awesome!

ps...Rylee is taking a Mommy and Me dance class this summer. Hope to be able to take pictures of that one night. She is the cutest little thing ever!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-09T13:24:00.004-05:00

Call to Action 1

2010-05-20T21:58:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about the Beth Moore simulcast more since my last post and have decided to walk through each call to action and link it up with my journey. Really as a test to myself to see if in fact I made spiritual progress.

1. Treasure the wonder--oh how I need to do this. Continue to create a hunger in my heart for your word.

This is really a call to love the Word of God. I can say that I love the Word of God. In the past 2 years I have spent more time actually digging into the word of God than I have in my life. With that said, I still neglect the Word more days than I care to admit. It breaks my heart when I really sit and think of that neglect. What lie am I listening to that could be replaced with truth if only I would more consistently treasure the wonder of God (the Word of God).

That being said as it relates to my journey with miscarriage I have a verse from each that I thought I would share.

First Miscarriage (June 2007) Verse

Psalm 56:8

You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,

Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

Second Miscarriage (Dec 2009) Verse

John 9:3

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened

so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

There are many other verses but these two speak the truth that God revealed to me in the midst of each miscarriage.

Treasure the Wonder...Treasure the Word

Mother's Day Kisses from the King

2010-05-09T22:04:00.003-05:00

Oh wow...there are times when I sit in awe of how much God cares for me.

Two years ago I attended a Beth Moore simulcast where she spoke on the parable of the sower. Most of us are familiar with this parable about the four different types of soil. I believe that each of us at different times in our lives are all these different types of soil. I'm not sure how to put all this into words so I'm going to start with the history and work to present hoping that along the way I am able to express how awesome our God is and how if we are paying attention and fully engaged in our walk with him he will give us sweet kisses to let us know just how much he loves us and that his beauty is woven into our story. Without him my story would not be beautiful.

OK, so back to the simulcast. Here is my journal entry immediately after. (This was August, 2008 so I was 7 months pregnant with Rylee--just to give you a time reference)

You are an awesome God w/ awesome ways--I am so uncreative next to you even though I continue to try to create my own story instead of allowing you to author each day w/out my lousy input.

Lord--I am so thrilled that I was able to attend the Beth Moore Conference this weekend and I'm holding my hand over my heart to protect the words you spoke to me. I pray that my soil of my life is good for the harvest. But not my harvest--your intended harvest--100 fold.

Write on my heart the seven action steps given this weekend.

1. Treasure the wonder--oh how I need to do this. Continue to create a hunger in my heart for your word.

2. Protect my heart from evil prey--I will guard my heart and not allow Satan to pluck the seeds you have planted for me.

3. Expect the test--The test gets me--Lord teach me to expect it and be prepared--no more pop quizzes!

4. Dig the roots--I am so thankful you have been revealing your love to me--I long for my roots to be deeper.

5. Stop the choke--Man does this get me. I often get distracted by the worries of life. I want to surrender that anxiety and mistrust back to you.

6. Retain the word--Boy does this go back to the basics and still so hard for me to do. Give me the drive, the will & the discipline.

7. Press forth to my 100-fold. Lay on my heart what that is at this point in time so that I might not give up & quit in the middle but press forward.

I honestly think if I went back through each of these action steps I could tie it into my story of miscarriage. But the thing that has me all excited about my God tonight is the idea of protecting my heart from evil prey. Beth gave a great picture of us literally holding our hand over our heart and telling Satan "I received a word from the God of the universe and you will not take that away from me." It was a powerful word and I have thought of that many times in the last two years. Through out that weekend the theme song was Revelation Song. We sang it over and over again. It became my new song with God. (I think I've talked before about having a "song" at different points in my life that speaks deep to my heart and ties my life directly to my worship--not sure that makes sense....it became a meaningful song to me...maybe I should leave it at that) ANYWAY...when I hear that song I am reminded of the message to hold my hand over my heart so that no one can snatch what God has placed in my heart.

So why am I talking about 2 years ago? Well, a couple of weeks ago I spoke at the women's luncheon at our church. I shared my story and shared a small part of what God has shown me in these past several months. As I drove to the church I was thinking about what I was going to share and I began to feel the uncertainty of what I was about to share and how it would be received. I began to think of the opposition that I might meet. At that moment I turned on the radio hoping to get in at least one good worship song before I arrived at the church. God being God gave me Revelation Song. The song that reminded me of exactly what I needed to be reminded of at that moment in time. It was time for me to put my hand over my heart and tell Satan he would NOT take away from me what the Lord himself had given me.

Last night I posted the story of David loosing his infant and his response to go the house of the Lord and worship. This morning I went to the house of the Lord to worship. I thought a lot today about the babies I have in heaven. I am their mommy too--I love them. Someday I will be with them. God has assured me over and over that those babies are safe in his arms. This morning in the midst of worship God himself bent down and gave me the sweetest mother's day gift of our song...Revelation Song. Yes, I was able to worship Jesus knowing that he is worthy. Knowing that He was and is and is to come. Knowing that He is my everything, and I will adore Him. He is who he says he is. He is truth. And since all that is true, one day I will be with him face to face and be reunited with my babies.

By the way...I won't go into much detail but for the sake of remembering just how good God is, I did meet some opposition that day. I was challenged. And at that moment I held my hand over my heart and said, "Nice try Satan but you can't take this from me. Two years ago God's word was planted on good soil, it has taken deep root in me and I know how to protect what God has spoken to me because I know it is from the Lord himself."

What a great mother's day! What a great God!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T22:06:00.005-05:00

As I sit here and think about the celebration of Mother's Day I am so very thankful for many many things.

Thankful for my mom, oh so thankful! My mom has modeled the truest Proverbs 31 woman I know. Don't get me wrong, I know there are many others out there but she is my mom and I call her Blessed.

Thankful for my children. For Gunner who has more life in him than anyone I know. And for Rylee who loves her Mommy, Daddy and "Nunner" and who's smile can light up your day in an instant.

Thankful for the future and hope I have to one day meet my two precious babies who have lived all their days with Jesus. I finished reading Angie Smith's new book I Will Carry You this week and was so encouraged by a scripture she shared. It is the story of David loosing his child.

2 Samuel 12:16-22
16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

18 On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."

19 David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead."

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

21 His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"

22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows?The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

I will choose to follow David's example and go to the house of the LORD and worship. I will choose to follow David's example and hang on to the future and hope of going to my babies one day.

Happy Mother's Day to all mommies. If you are able to hug your babies this Mother's Day make sure it's what me and Gunner call "one of those hugs that you don't want to let go." If your babies are waiting for you in heaven, go to the house of the LORD and worship. If you have called upon the name of Jesus to be your Lord and Savior you too will go to them someday! What a glorious day!

New Friends at Chick-Fil-A

2010-05-06T17:33:00.006-05:00

We had a family dinner at Chick-Fil-A last night and as usual Gunner made a new friend on the playground. The boy Gunner had be-friended was the same size as Gunner but we discovered that he was 6 (his birthday was Feb 27, 2004, at least that's what he told us). So--he was almost 2 full years older than Gunner. They were playing and having great fun. They had made up a game and the 6 year old was enforcing the rules to this made up game and Gunner was apparently breaking them.

So the 6 year old says, "You touched the glass, that doesn't count"
Gunner says, "What? I can count in Spanish. Wanna hear? Uno, dos, tres. See, I can count."
The 6 year old responds, "No that doesn't count. Are you in Pre-K or Kindergarden?"
Gunner says, "What? I'm in Op-pa-homa."
The 6 year old gets super frustrated and asks Gunner several more times if he is in Pre-K or Kindergarden. Ed and I finally feel sorry for the kid and tell him that Gunner isn't old enough to be in Pre-K or Kindergarden.

We were cracking up listening to the conversation. But it reminded me how easy it is to have unreasonable expectations of kids because the look older or seem older than they actually are. At Gunner's 4 year old check up we were told he would not be considered short for a 7 year old. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about his height. Obviously between me and Ed he is probably going to be a tall boy. But for now, it may put him to a disadvantage in the expectation department. It was amazing to hear the difference in vocabulary and understanding from 6 to 4. The next few years are going to be fun! Look out Pre-K Gunner is on his way this fall!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-05T15:07:00.006-05:00

I was a blogging fool for a couple of weeks and now I am slacking off again! SO to get me back on track I'm going to do a Wordless Wednesday post. Enjoy!

Sorry for the quality of these first pics...they are from my phone.

OK--now that I've picked these pics it is hard to make it wordless... Let's just say Rylee loves wearing Gunner's McQueen hat, she is a great bat girl, she loves to dress up in pretty dresses and bows or spiderman costumes and bows...Gunner has been playing and sleeping hard lately, he too likes to put on his costumes, and he likes my robe but he is very manly in it, oh and he gets really tired of me taking his pictures. I haven't taken many lately so I will break the camera out and get some new ones.

Victory Entry

2010-04-21T14:40:00.003-05:00

As we were driving home from BSF today Gunner voluntarily told me what he learned in 'Bible School' today.

"Mommy, today in Bible School I learned that when Jesus died on the cross they nailed his hands and his feet so that he could not get off the cross." While saying this Gunner pointed to each of his wrists and to his ankles.

"Mommy, Jesus had the power to get off the cross but he didn't use it because he wanted to die for our sins. But Jesus is not dead just like we celebrated at Easter, Jesus is alive"

And that my friends is a Victory Entry in the Journal.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-07T17:02:00.004-05:00

Happy Easter!

2010-04-05T21:45:00.006-05:00

I know I've been quite the bloggin' momma lately. I'm finding myself forgetting things I never thought I would forget so I'm trying my darndest to stay on top on the blog.

So Easter Sunday was a most beautiful day to celebrate our risen Savior. We were able to talk a number of times about the reason we celebrate Easter with Gunner. He is getting bits and pieces but doesn't have it all put together. Usually he will say "we celebrate Easter because God is alive."

We gave Gunner a real bible with his name on it. He loves it. He's so proud to have a real bible. We decided that if he can memorize scripture he should have his own bible. I look forward to highlighting the verses he memorizes as he grows up. If you missed his scripture memory post click here for his favorite bible verse.

We gave Rylee a new bracelet with her name on it. She loves it. She is proud of her bling. I bought it to fit her left wrist. I love her wearing a bracelet on that wrist because it is a reminder for me of just how special our girl is and that God has a special plan for her life.

So here are the pics...again there are probably 500 more but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

The After Party

2010-04-04T15:18:00.004-05:00

The after party was at our house with the Clark's and boy was it fun! We hid the eggs although they are not near as fun to hunt when there is no candy inside. So, we set the bouncer up and pulled out Gunner's jeep. The kids even braved the swing that is now being repaired so that it doesn't collapse with the kids on it.

Gunner had a ball diving in and out of the bouncer. This was money well spent! Christmas present a couple of years ago and it seems to get better and better!

I yelled at Gunner "You can't run in front of the jeep!" Ed yells "not more than once!"

Zach and Laney each took a turn driving the jeep and did great. Here it looks like Zach is running Gunner down.

Zach and Rylee are cruising. Rylee loves to ride. She sits down and holds on. She likes to turning the radio on too (I think she has to feel like she has control of something)!

Gunner and Zach hunting for easter eggs.

Rylee is just taking it all in. She loves having friends over to play.

Michelle and Hallie making the same face. I love it!

Hallie had fun in the bouncer too!

Laney is taking the jeep for a spin.

Hallie and Laney..such sweet sweet sisters!

OK...I probably have 500 additional pictures from the after party but I'll stop here! Thanks Clarks for hanging out with us! We love your family!

SHBC Easter Egg Hunt

2010-04-03T21:53:00.004-05:00

We made it to the annual Community Egg Hunt put on by SHBC today along with a bunch of other families! I think it was the biggest hunt yet! There were over 20,000 eggs each filled with candy and a bible verse. It's a neat outreach our church does for the community surrounding our church. I even ran into a high school friend and got to catch up with her and meet her handsome boys!

Gunner's worlds collided a bit today when he saw his preschool friends and his church friends. He was so excited! His world would be great if everyday those worlds would collide. He loves his friends.

The one picture I wanted...my boy and his eggs!

Gunner is tossing eggs into Rylee's basket. If you look close you can see an egg flying through the air it looks like it is part of her flower.

Gunner and his "good friend pal Rocky." They are a great pair!

Rylee is hunting for eggs. She doesn't really get into quantity, she just enjoys the hunt!

(and of course the candy inside...see next picture)

Yes, she is eating candy the wrapper may or may not be on the candy!

Gunner's Preschool Egg Hunt

2010-04-03T21:32:00.006-05:00

Let me just say that I hate that when you upload photos the post in backward order. One would think I would be used to this by now and load in reverse order but I'm just not that on top of it. I'm doing good to get pictures posted! If anyone has a secret to easily rearrange (easy being the key) photos on blogger please let me know!

Gunner is so excited about his eggs he can not sit still!

Gunner and Ben are great buddies!

Gunner will miss hanging with Ben when he starts the 4 year old program at Union next year.

Action shot of his running to find more eggs.

Miss Tammy is counting with the kids so they know how many eggs they can have in their basket. I'm not sure they got it...there had to be some redistribution when the hunt was over.

Gunner's proud of his eggs!

Rylee's Preschool Egg Hunt

2010-04-03T21:18:00.005-05:00

Rylee is wearing one of her new 'bows' that I made (with the help of Sarah Lundin) while Ed was out of town. It has a cute little frog on the button in the middle. If you need a flower for your girl...let me know. I have several I could spare!

Carrying her basket like a purse.

How cute is Miss Rylee in the midst of the other kids? Yes she is a small one but most of these kids are almost a year older than her.

Yes...her outfit and her basket matched. I really didn't do that on purpose...promise!

Checking out her eggs. She quickly learned that there was candy in them.

And let me say...Miss Tammy puts GOOD candy in her eggs!

Easter

2010-04-03T21:01:00.005-05:00

We have had an exciting week of Easter events and it's not even Sunday yet!

Gunner is trying to wrap his little mind around Jesus being God's son and dying and then being alive again. He asked us today if Jesus ever got bruised and if God protected Jesus since he was his son. It's interesting to hear the thoughts he is having being verbalized. I feel like Gunner sees Jesus as a little boy like he is and he cannot understand why Jesus (a little boy) would die. I don't think he pictures Jesus as a grown man dying.

The next couple of posts will be pictures of our Easter fun. I think I have taken over 1,000 pictures this week but I won't bore you with every one of them...promise!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T13:05:00.005-05:00

Abundant Thinking VS Small (Grinch) Thinking

2010-03-29T09:17:00.003-05:00

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Jesus (John 10:10)

In our Life Group last night we were presented with the idea of being an Abundant Thinker verses a Small or Grinch Thinker. By just reading those to descriptions you automatically know which you should be but what does that look like? How exactly do you accomplish that?

As Ed and I drove home last night I was telling him about my opportunity to speak to the women of our church about our journey with miscarriage. I'm not sure I always think abundantly. Actually I know many times I get trapped in small thinking. But for sure in this area I am confident that God has given me a message. I am thinking abundantly of what he wants to accomplish through my journey. The deal is that if I don't share it, if I don't use my voice I can never go from thinking abundantly to living abundantly. Thinking abundantly is the start for sure, now it takes action.

What is my message? Its complex with great emotion and great pain. However, its a simple way to change our thinking. God values life. As Christians we get very emotional about being pro-life and protecting the unborn. We must come to a point where we grieve with families who have a loss from miscarriage as passionately as we stand for the right for life. If we do not we will continue to send a mixed message to the world that we value life when a mother is making a choice to end it but we will ignore the hurt and pain women feel when they do not have a choice and that life is ended through miscarriage.

With God's power working in us,

God can do much, much more

than anything we can ask or imagine.

To him be glory in the church

and in Christ Jesus for all time,

forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Jesus Is The Good Shepherd

2010-03-23T22:00:00.003-05:00

Several months ago (January 18th to be exact) I promised to make a post about Jesus being the Good Shepherd. So I'm going to do it even though it is 2 months later!

Again, this is from BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) where we have been studying the book of John.

John 10 speaks of Jesus being the good shepherd. If only we lived 2,000 years ago and understood fully what Jesus was saying when he spoke of the good shepherd. I don't know any shepherds so most of this came as a new thought about the person of Jesus.

So some facts about shepherds (there are certainly more):

A good shepherd will lay his life down for his sheep.

A good shepherd knows his sheep. The key to the welfare of the sheep was the individual attention and care of each sheep.

After grazing in the field during the day, a good shepherd inspects each sheep as the enter the pin at night to see if there is any cut or aggravation that needs attention that only the shepherd can provide relief from.

Some facts about sheep (besides being dumb animals and needing a good shepherd to survive):

Sheep will not lay down unless they are completely free of fear and hunger.

To be at rest a sheep must be completely free of aggravation.

Sheep do not look for a shepherd. They are not smart enough to know they need a shepherd.

It is possible for sheep to fall on their backs and not be able to get up.

So now look at the list about a good shepherd. Do you see anything about Jesus that you haven't seen before?

For me it was that picture of a nightly inspection of any cut or aggravation that I had suffered that only Jesus could attend to. I have begun to pray that Jesus will inspect me. To take care of any hurt that only he can attend to. He does it anyway...me praying for it doesn't make it happen but it does help me to be aware that I have a Good Shepherd who tenderly cares for me and every hurt I have. He is searching me, he is attending to me. I don't have to do anything...I'm not even smart enough to know I need it!

So now look at the list about the sheep. Do you see anything new?

Honestly most of those were new for me. I just knew that sheep were dumb!

But the idea that sheep can actually fall on their backs and not get up was something that spoke to me at the time. Psalm 42:11 says "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why do disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Downcast is actually the term for a sheep that has fallen on their back and cannot get up. In the hours and weeks following the news of our miscarriage I was downcast. Remember the email I sent my girlfriends just hours after the news of my loss? Remember the first set of "I am" statements I made at the end of that email? That was the perfect picture of someone who is downcast. I was literally on my back with no hope of getting up myself. Remember my second set of "I am" statements? That is the picture of someone who has been inspected by the Good Shepherd and tenderly cared for so that I might rest.

As a believer I am secure in my salvation. With that salvation I have received the Good Shepherd who attends to me daily. I am thankful each night when my head hits the pillow for my Good Shepherd, who in the quite of that moment is searching out each hurt and tending gently to every need I have, even those I am not aware of.

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

John 10:11

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--

just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--

and I lay down my life for the sheep.

John 10:14-15

The Lord is my Shepherd. He restores my soul.

Psalm 23:1a,3a

Labels

2010-03-16T19:03:00.005-05:00

I added the label gadget to my blog today so that I could look at my posts based on my labels. As I browsed through the labels I decided to skim them to see what I had written about what.

I have to admit I got a little sad (ok very sad) as I scrolled through the posts on miscarriage and saw the post with the picture of the empty gestational sac. The reality came back in high gear. I would be 22 weeks now. We would likely know the sex of our baby. We would be talking names, figuring out who would sleep where when the baby arrived. We would be dreaming about our new addition in color now...pink or blue.

This moment is a tough one. Sure wish things were different.

Rylee speaks

2010-03-08T13:36:00.007-06:00

Photo credit...taken my the amazing Sarah Lundin

I've been able to post lots of fun things that Gunner has said recently on my facebook status. Just a recap...

Kathy McClellan Hitchcock said "Gunner this is your one and only warning to do what I asked you to do." Gunner replied "Mommy, God gave his one and only son!"

Yesterday at 1:00pm

Kathy McClellan Hitchcock Mommy it was just an accident when I picked my sister up and threw her head first on the ground. Oh my...

Fri at 4:11pm

Kathy McClellan Hitchcock

as Gunner is sitting on the couch awaiting his punishment Rylee goes looking for him. She can hardly stand to be away from him. I hear him say to her "I'm sorry, do you forgive me?" now he asking her if she understands and making her say "Yes Gunner"

Seriously...

Fri at 4:14pm

Kathy McClellan Hitchcock After Gunner completely pulls Rylee's feet out from under her he says, "Oh sorry BabyRylee. I'm an expert knocker downer. I thought you were a bad baby. Sorry." No tears from Rylee, she must be an expert faller downer!

We have been surprised at Rylee throughout her little life. Surprised that she started so big (8lb 8oz) and has stayed so small even though she eats more than Gunner and has since she was 9 months old and would only eat table food! Surprised that she loves Gunner as much as she does and rarely cries when he is rough with her, which is pretty much all the time. Surprised that she has been slower developmentally than Gunner on everything but rolling over (and eating table food), she rolled over at 1 month! Surprised that she is not talking like Gunner did. Now I know we are not suppose to compare our kids and I'm not really comparing to make one out to be better than the other, I'm just saying that Gunner was our normal. So when Gunner was 17 months he was capable and did on occasion talk in complete sentences. His first sentence was "we go outside and play some basketball." He was 16 or 17 months old when he said that. We have it on video and it is the cutest thing!

Rylee has lots of words and probably signs more than Gunner did but she doesn't talk like he did. However, there is very little doubt of what she wants. She is able to shake her head yes or no to answer just about any question, and has added the uhuh and unthuh which I personally get a kick out of.

She says: Momma, Daddy, Nunner, Brocco, PawPaw, MomMaw, mulk (milk), dink (drink), eat, outside, thank you, no, yes (it doesn't sound exactly like yes but that's what she is saying), rock (as in rocking chair).

I'm sure she says a lot more but right now I can't think of anything else so for now this is the list ;-)

She signs: please, more, again, thank you (occasionally when we are singing but usually she just says it)

Today when I was putting her down for a nap she spoke. It was very unexpected because we were doing her normal bedtime routine, reading books and singing and in the middle of my singing she sat up and said "NO." I kept singing assuming that she surely wasn't telling me not to sing. A few seconds later she said in a loud deep raspy voice "NO." At this point I decided she might be telling me not to sing. I asked her if she wanted me to sing. My question was followed with a clear "unt-hun" from her. So to bed with she went. I know I'm not the best singer but wow I have to admit it hurt my feelings just a bit. I love to rock her and today my time was cut short. Good thing we get to do it again tomorrow!

Mommy Will You Pray?

2010-03-05T12:28:00.004-06:00

Last night at 1:30 am I was woken up by Gunner crying. His legs cramp at night. This is pretty normal during the spring and summer months when he gets to run and play outside.

So last night I went in to check on him and he told me it was his legs. I gave him some Motrin and laid down with him to rub his legs until the Motrin could kick in. I told him the medicine would make his legs feel better soon. He responded with "Mommy will you pray too?" Yes little buddy...anytime we are taking medicine we should pray too! We prayed that God would touch his legs and make them feel better soon. I silently prayed that God would take the pain away immediately so that Gunner would see first hand that God answers prayer. By the time I said amen Gunner was sound asleep and I was able to stumble back to my own bed and we all slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

I love that my little boy is seeing the value of seeking the Lord anytime we hurt and in this case I didn't have anything to do with his desire for that prayer.

We Loved Because God First Loved Us

2010-03-03T16:15:00.002-06:00

Me: What did you learn in bible school today Gunner?

Gunner: What did you learn in bible school Mom?

Me: I learned that we love because God first loved us. It says that in the Bible, 1 John 4:19.

Gunner: Hey! That's what I learned too! Mommy, that's what Rylee learned too! We all learned the same thing about God today!

I am so thankful that Gunner and Rylee are learning about God's love along side me. I have to admit I think my lesson might be a little bit harder to get and put into practice but thankfully God has sufficient grace for me.

A thought from my bible school lesson today...

What did Jesus do when little children interrupted him?

Ouch! How many times a day do my children interrupt me and how often do I honestly respond the way Jesus did?

Well here's my 1st test, Rylee is awake from her nap but I'm not done with this post. I will choose to go care for my baby rather than going on and on!

"I wanna see Jesus"

2010-02-25T19:41:00.005-06:00

Oh wow I love this boy! Right now his favorite thing is silly talk. The sillier the better. Coco head is among his favorite words (I have heard it is among some of his friends favorite words too). I'm not really sure where it came from except now that I think of it...it came along shortly after we started serious discipline for potty talk. At any rate...he says it a lot. As a matter of fact, last night he was having a really hard time going to bed and in the midst of a discipline issue he needed to tell me he was sorry and ask me to forgive him. He refused several times and finally with tears in his eyes said "the only thing I can say is coco head". Again, now that I think more about this I might need to get on top of this coco head thing.

Yesterday as we were driving to 'Bible school' (BSF or Bible Study Fellowship) Gunner and I had the most amazing conversation. He was fairly emotional while we were talking. It started out about wanting to know where God was. Then it transformed into the most beautiful words I have ever heard come out of his mouth. "Mommy I want to go to heaven." I said "Oh Gunner, I do too." Before I could say anything else Gunner said "I wanna see Jesus." The tears started flowing and I could hardly speak. Seriously what a precious boy! He then went on to talk about how God is Jesus' Father and wanted to know who Jesus' mommy was. He decided that there must be toys in heaven since Jesus was a son. In the parking lot we saw Gunner's preschool teacher and told her about wanting to see Jesus, Gunner added that he wanted to see what color clothes he wore. Gunner is confident that Jesus is dressed in Orange! That should make all my OSU friends and family happy;]

Gunner, Mommy and Daddy love you more than words can express. Our prayer is that you will see Jesus someday. We pray that you grow to have a personal relationship with him. We pray that you will learn that as YOU studied in Bible school today "Apart from Jesus you can do nothing." (John 15:5).

Hello to all my Woven girls

2010-02-20T21:58:00.005-06:00

If you are reading my blog for the 1st time "Welcome!" Get comfy, grab some snacks and coffee (dt coke, water, etc) and hang with me for a while. I am fine with having blog stalkers but I would also love to hear what God is doing in your life. So post a comment or send me and email.

I was honored to speak at a retreat this weekend for wives of youth ministers. It was one of the toughest things I have done and yet I had a complete peace that I was doing what I was suppose to do. So even though it was hard, even though I got really close to the big ugly cry, and even though I was sweating bullets during and after I spoke, I believe with all my heart God had me exactly where he wanted me to be saying exactly what he wanted me to say. I'm reminded of Ester and her story of being exactly where she was suppose to be so that she could be the tool used to bring deliverance to her people. I pray God will use my story and his faithfulness in a mighty way for deliverance of his precious daughters and to bring glory to Him.

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14

Isaiah 41:13

2010-02-10T19:48:00.003-06:00

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says

'do not fear, I will help you'"

Isaiah 41:13

This is a verse we have on Gunner's bedroom wall. If you have trouble memorizing scripture this works great. Write it out and put it on your child's bedroom wall, read it out loud every night when you are putting them to bed and you will have it memorized before you know it!

When Gunner is scared we tell him to say his bible verse and pray. He says it works!

He has one other verse memorized at this point but we are working on new ones. I'll try to get the other one recorded and posted soon.

My heart melts to hear him quoting God's Word. There is not a sweeter sound in the world. Just imagine what it must do to the heart of our Lord.

Sledding Fun

2010-02-08T15:11:00.004-06:00

The snow today reminded me that I never posted any pictures from sledding. The WHOLE family went sledding during the last snow storm. All the other times Ed and Gunner have gone without me and Rylee.

Gunner was so excited for Rylee to be sledding with him.

Rylee was so unsure about what was going on!

They were having a race...Gunner WINS!

"This is awesome!"

Quoting Gunner AND Ed!

Gunner is getting some air...too bad the snow was almost gone.

Of course I'm not in any pictures because I was the one taking them. I always for get to hand the camera over (maybe I'm a control freak idk) but I swear I went sledding too!

New post..but its backdated so here's a link

2010-02-05T22:34:00.003-06:00

I didn't realize that when you finish up a draft it is posted back when you started it. So I'm going to attempt to provide a link to the latest post in my journey.

Jesus sees our suffering

Love each one of you and I'm thankful I am able to share my heart with you.

A story of hope--Before the Morning

2010-01-29T22:53:00.004-06:00

The day of my D&C I was on Facebook and watched a video that told the story of Josh Wilson's song Before the Morning. I don't claim to be a Facebook wiz or anything but I would not call myself a novice. But the weird thing was I saw the video in my news feed one moment and then it was gone--seriously I could not find it. I emailed Becca and Josh to tell them how much the video had ministered to me and told them that after I watched it it was now gone. Did God mean that just for me? A couple of days later I found it again so I wanted to share. I don't know what happened. I think God just might have done some Facebook God stuff and popped this video in my news feed just for me!

At any rate, the day of my D&C I watched this video and wept. It spoke great encouragement to me. There are so many lines that touched me. But one that was so powerful was "If we trust God with our eternity we've got to trust him with our now". Well at the time I needed to hear that so much. That was exactly where I was--asking myself if I was going to trust God with this miscarriage and the future He has planned for our family. I needed to be reminded that I could trust God.

So where ever you are, what ever you are facing right now, watch this video and allow God to speak to you in your circumstance or in your struggle. I am overwhelmed at God's tenderness with me. He is daily making Himself real to me in this road I am walking. I pray that he will do the same for each of you.
Josh Wilson, Before the Morning

Hebrews 12:12

2010-01-26T21:53:00.004-06:00

In these past few weeks every time I have seen a scripture posted anywhere I have looked it up to see if somehow it had meaning in my life right now.

Heb 12:12 was on Tim Tebow's face (I'm sure there is word for the black tape that football players put under their eyes but I don't know it--Allison can you help a girl out?).

Anyway--Hebrews 12:12 says "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." Wow did I need that Word. In the days following our miscarriage my arms were feeble and my knees were weak. God was faithful to strengthen me day by day.

The interesting thing is that what his EYE BLACKS (found it online myself) actually referenced was Hebrews 12:1-2 which says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." I didn't find that out until tonight when I was typing this post. God obviously meant for me to see Hebrews 12:12, yet again he is faithful!

Follow up email to my Girlfriends about the D&C

2010-01-22T13:51:00.007-06:00

We had the D&C January 11th. When I went in I still had no physical signs of the miscarriage but had double confirmation that the pregnancy had ended. I was thankful that the Lord gave me such a peace about the D&C and that I had not started having a natural miscarriage. Another detail he faithfully took care of.

My sweet friends had sent me flowers the week I found out about the miscarriage and they were BEAUTIFUL the day of my surgery. I'm posting the email I sent to my friends the day of the surgery--the first part is pretty boring and factual. The good stuff is at the bottom. God spoke clearly and gave me great scripture that day!

Attached is a picture of my beautiful view. Thank you to each one of you for being so sweet to me and sending flowers. They are beautiful today!

What a day! It started early with a 6:45 check in. The kids ended up spending the night with my parents last night so my mom wouldn't have to come in so early. It ended up being really nice not having the kids to worry about waking up while we were trying to get out the door.

I was doing fine until I saw Dr Daily. Then I had a complete break down and could hardly stop the tears once they started flowing. Even thinking about it now brings back those tears. Dr. Daily and I a connection that is hard to explain. We have had many tough conversations and I have always appreciated her tenderness and her reliance on faith. She has not been ashamed to speak of her faith and encourage me in that in the worst of situations. She seems to be able to read me like a book and respond to my needs without me even speaking at times. She ordered some meds to calm my nerves as I waited to go to the operating room.

I have only one memory of the operating room. Just the sweet faces of Dr Daily and the nurses telling me everything except the temperature in the OR revolved around me. They would take good care of me and have me in recovery soon.

I don't know how long the operation and recovery lasted but I was home by noon and resting comfortably. I have taken pain meds twice but it was more to stay on top of the pain than actual pain. Tomorrow I will be more conservative with the pain meds.

When I came home I had some relatively heavy bleeding but since that 1st pad change it has been more like spotting. Praise the Lord!

The kids are at my parents again tonight and I will be staying out there until probably Friday. I'm not sure about when Ed comes home. I think its Thursday but usually that means 11pm. I am restricted to picking up 10 pounds or less for the next 3 days so Thursday would be the earliest I can pick up Rylee. Its possible I will be up for it and be able to be home Thursday night but I'm playing that by ear.

At this point I'm planning on the kids going to preschool tomorrow and I plan to spend at least a couple of hours working.

God has given me some cool verses today I thought I would share with you guys.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Philippians 1:12, 19-20
12Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.[a] 20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

I love verse 19 because it speaks of each of you. Through your prayers and the help of the Holy Spirit what has happened will turn out for my deliverance! This is not meant for my bondage but for my deliverance.

The other verse I have been pondering a lot the past couple of weeks is Isaiah 57:1
1 Good people pass away;
the godly often die before their time.
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that God is protecting them from the evil to come.

In many ways this speaks to me specifically dealing with miscarriage because it is so often not really acknowledged or spoken of. But it is hope to me that God has protected my baby from the evil to come. I believe this child is in heaven without having to experience all the hurt of this world. Praise God!

OK girls, I am going for now. I will be talking to you this week.

Kathy

The D&C was scheduled

2010-01-22T13:40:00.004-06:00

A week after we saw the ultrasound with an empty gestational sac I still had no physical signs of a miscarriage. It was a tough decision to make but after talking with my Dr and much prayer I decided to move forward with a D&C. From the time I scheduled the D&C I still had 5 days to wait before the actual procedure but I prayed each day that the Lord would allow me to have the D&C since he had given me such a peace about that decision. Below is the email I sent to my dear friends who had been praying for me faithfully even before we received our news.

Girls I am so tired I don't know that I will even finish this email but I want to let each of you know I am scheduled to have a D&C Monday at 8:45 am.

My Dr's office called today and said my hormone levels have dropped since they did blood work early on in the pregnancy. For me that is the secondary confirmation that indeed there is no baby (not that I was questioning it but when considering the D&C that is relevant).

My Dr said the D&C will actually be less painful and the recovery will be much quicker (3-4 day although I read on the Internet it could be 2 weeks of bleeding). With the natural miscarriage there is pretty intense pain and I could bleed for 4 weeks (that is what I did with the 1st miscarriage).

I am at complete peace with my decision and it will be nice to get to move forward with the grief and healing that is so difficult to do with no physical closure.

I still have not started spotting. As long as I have not started heavy bleeding they will proceed with the procedure Monday morning. If I start to bleed (more that spotting) they won't do the D&C. So please pray that I won't start bleeding prior to the surgery. Pray for God's mercy in this detail of this miscarriage. I trust the Lord in this. I know he has a plan and while I feel at peace and have prayed for his wisdom and direction I realize that my desire to this may not be his desire for the process. But I am asking his mercy in this area.

We are planning on keeping the kids at our house Sunday night and my mom will meet us at the house when we leave, let the kids sleep in and then take them to her house. I'm kind of guessing the kids will spend the night Monday night at my parents but that hasn't been determined. I don't know if I will work Tuesday but I'm planning on the kids going to preschool so I should have them covered for Monday and Tuesday. I hope the recovery will be 24 hours as far as being able to take care of the kids.

Love each of you! And a huge thank you for my flowers! They are beautiful and brightened my day!
Kathy

Right now I...

2010-01-18T22:30:00.004-06:00

In my last post you read several "right now" statements I made the day I found out we had lost our precious baby. Those "right now" statements voiced where I was at that moment.

Right now I feel let down.
Right now I feel sorry for myself.
Right now I am angry.

I have had a hard time getting the next post together in the time line of events but I want to make a few new "right now" statements.

Right now I feel lifted up.
Right now I feel hurt and pain not only for myself but for all women who have experienced loss. I am saddened when I hear of dear sisters who have not only experienced this but experienced it alone.
Right now I have joy and hope in the midst of my pain. My anger is distant but probably not completely removed. I am praying the Lord will take that away completely.

A few days after the miscarriage I downloaded Steven Curtis Chapman's latest album that he wrote after his daughter was tragically killed. It is an amazing album. One of the songs that spoke to me is titled God Is It True (Trust Me). I can't figure out how to add the song to this post so I just posted it to facebook.

God has been good to me during these past 3 weeks. He continues to provide peace and mercy in the toughest of times.

Jesus sees our suffering

2010-01-18T08:37:00.004-06:00

God is pretty amazing. In this whole process he has been so tender and so merciful.

I am in a Wednesday bible study called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). This bible study is unlike any other bible study I have ever been in. When they say bible study that is what it is. We aren't going through a book or commentary, we are going verse by verse through the book of John. Wow John is packed full of the wonder of Jesus! It shows Jesus ministering over and over to people like you and me. At any rate, I had been a little slow on my homework for this particular week it was Christmas break after all. I decided that since I didn't know where else to turn in my bible I would go ahead and try my homework to see how far I could get. Little did I know God had words for me. Words to encourage me, words to show his great love for me, and most of all words to give me hope.

This particular week we were studying John 9 which tells the story of a blind man. A man who had been blind from birth.

The first thing that I love about this story is verse 1 which says "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth." That doesn't seem like that interesting of a verse unless you understand that in the Greek the word 'saw' means a searching look at the blind man. The notes provided by BSF goes on to describe is this way "As though in deep sympathy, Jesus saw into this man's lifelong suffering soul and loneliness, as well as the suffering of spiritual ignorance." Jesus had deep sympathy for this man and his suffering.

Back in those days people believed people suffered for their sins and the disciples--followers of Christ, asked who sinned. This man in the womb or his parents that he would be born blind? Jesus responded in verse 3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." This man had lived a life of total blindness, he had no other options but to beg. Assuming he also bought into the idea that his suffering was because of his own guilt imagine the shame he must have felt.

Oh how I can relate to the blind man. You see if you haven't experienced a miscarriage you may not realize the guilt you feel. The questions you ask yourself, the if only's that you play over and over. If only I had known I was pregnant I wouldn't have taken that medicine. Why did I drink so much diet coke? If only I had taken my vitamins every day. The questions are endless. The if only's are hopeless. The answers don't matter and don't change anything. The questions only bring the feeling of more guilt. You begin to wonder if other people think you could have done something different. And at that point the shame enters your mind.

I believe that guilt and shame is one of the root causes for so many women to suffer miscarriage alone. Think about it...if your beloved pet died--would you talk about it? How much more loved is a child regardless of whether that child has been born. Do you only start loving that child the moment they are born? Of course you know the answers to those questions. But my guess is that each person reading this has a friend who they have no idea they have suffered this great loss.

I'm not trying to be critical of the person who chooses to keep a miscarriage to themselves. I'm also not trying to be critical of others who haven't experienced it. I'm just thinking out loud and wondering how we can change these thoughts of guilt and shame. I'm imagining what it would be like if those thoughts and feelings were whisked away with the truth from God's word.

I'm imagining if we responded to people who are hurting the way Jesus did? Not just women who are experiencing miscarriage but anyone who is hurting. How often as Christians do we wonder what secret sin someone is involved in to contribute to their pain? I don't think we think of it exactly in those terms but sadly I think we do it more often than we would admit. Jesus had a searching look where as though in deep sympathy, Jesus saw into this man's suffering soul and loneliness. THEN Jesus healed him AND defended him! That's right not only did Jesus defend him when the disciples asked questions about him. Jesus also sought him out when the Pharisees kicked the guy out of the temple! Jesus found the man after he had been thrown out of the temple and brought the man into a relationship with Him!

Every suffering is a opportunity to know the Lord more intimately. The Lord is seeking you out. He is there to remove all guilt and shame. More next time about our the Lord being our Good Shepherd.

December 30th and the news

2010-01-16T21:41:00.006-06:00

Our ultrasound was scheduled for December 30th at 9:30 and like I said in my last post, the day couldn't come fast enough. I had texted some of my closest friends saying "Ultrasound this Wednesday at 930. Please pray for peace for me until then. The first 20 weeks or so are hard on me mentally. I've been struggling a lot this past week. Feelings of fear or another loss."

The night before the ultrasound Ed and I were talking and I asked him if he had any thought of there not being a heartbeat when we did the ultrasound. He said "no". Wow--what was my problem? I had been consumed with it for weeks.

Right before I left for the appointment I ran upstairs and pulled out my "What to Expect When Your Expecting" book and looked at the 9th weeks to make sure we could see the heartbeat. Sure enough we should be able to see it.

The appointment finally came and my worst fears came true. As I lay there on the bed it became clear that there was no heart beat. I began to look at Ed in desperation. Was this really happening? The tech proceeded with the ultrasound without saying anything to us. Finally she told me I could "empty my bladder and get dressed then we could wait back in the waiting area". Ed finally asked if something was wrong. She told us she was not a doctor and could not give us the results of the ultrasound. Well, without saying anything we knew that something was wrong.

**This is not my ultrasound (we didn't get the pictures from mine). This is one I found on the internet but this is what we saw on the ultrasound.

We were sent to Dr Daily's office to get the official news. The rest of the post was my email telling my dear friends our news.

I don't even know how to start this email...

The ultrasound showed a sac that was 8 weeks but no developed baby. What does that mean? The baby never developed but the sac did so in the next couple of days I will start to experience bleeding and my body will get rid of the sac. Since there is no baby I will not have to have a D & C they will just let my body naturally expel everything much like a period.

With the 1s miscarriage the ultrasound was done after I had already been bleeding and there was really no way to tell what had happened because the uterus was completely empty. This time the ultrasound was done anticipating a healthy baby and heartbeat since I have really had no symptoms of a miscarriage. The Dr believes the same thing probably happened with both pregnancies (egg fertilized but baby never developed).

I will have to do blood work every week until my hormone levels get back to 0. When we did the early blood work my levels were increasing as expected and since I haven't started having any signs of a miscarriage they will likely still be climbing or just leveling off. With the 1st miscarriage it took 4 weeks for my levels to reach 0. That means 4 blood draws and I was bleeding most of that time.

I told my Dr I didn't want to start the blood work today so I probably won't go until Monday. Which means I won't know my levels until Tuesday. The levels really don't matter to anyone but the Dr and the only reason I mention them is that it is not fun to go to a lab to get blood drawn to find out yes indeed you are not pregnant.

Mentally and emotionally I am struggling at best. I had been consumed with the thoughts of loss the past 2 weeks and had really expected to hear the heartbeat today and have that weight lifted. My mom has the kids and I sent Ed back to work. I'm getting my hair cut in an hour (still planning on keeping that appointment). I have talked to my mom but saying the words out loud proved to be painful so please don't get your feeling hurt if I don't answer if you call. I know for most of you this is something you cannot completely relate to so I don't want to put undo pressure on you as friends. And having gone through it before I know it is a hard thing for friends to know what to do. Here's some tips (I feel a bit ridiculous typing this but I'm going to anyway).

Go ahead and call--I need it even if I don't have the guts to answer.

Please pray.

Don't be afraid to ask me questions or talk about it.

If you know someone who knew we were pregnant please feel free to tell them. It's not a secret and even if they didn't know we were pregnant I won't be upset if you tell them.

I may (or may not) take a little break from church. It's tough because I know that is where I should be but right this minute I don't feel like it. I'll keep you posted on those thoughts.

As for other thoughts...here they are

It is a loss. This is hard. My heart is broken. I feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me. I am in shock. I will have the tendency to with drawl from people and things. Right now I feel let down. Right now I feel sorry for myself. Right now I am angry.

I have walked this road so I know that I will get through it. My faith was strengthen the 1st time. I expect that to happen again.

I love and cherish each one of you.

Kathy

The Positive Pregnancy Test and the days to follow

2010-01-14T11:57:00.004-06:00

***Disclaimer--sorry for being a blog snob and asking you to comment on my blog not facebook. It wasn't because I didn't want people to comment. I just think of my blog as something more like my personal journal. I cherish each word of encouragement regardless of where you post it so post away!***

Around the 1st of December I realized that wow--it had been about 5 weeks since my last period. That's not normal...so tucked away I had a pregnancy test that I took bright and early (after a sleepless night which is very typical of me all through my pregnancies). It was positive and it was positive fast!

I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. With the other pregnancies I have tried and wanted to be creative when I tell Ed but really I'm not all that creative so I have failed each time. This time I put a cute little riddle together which really wasn't a riddle I don't think something to the effect of we had been married 15 years and now we were going to be parents of 3. I don't remember exactly what the riddle was but it was silly and Ed didn't figure it out so I had to tell him what I was trying to tell with the riddle...once again...FAIL!

Ed was excited too. We hadn't completely decided we were going to try for 3 kiddos so it was a nice surprise for both of us. Ed started telling people immediately. I had to slow him down a little bit so that we could at least tell family and close friends. It was so fun to watch him be this excited about this baby.

After the initial excitement and the telling of family and friends. The fear set in. This was my 4th time to be pregnant and the 2nd time it didn't turn out the way I had expected. We miscarried our 2nd baby during the 11th week. Since that miscarriage my doctor has ordered blood work to be done as soon as I have a positive pregnancy test to make sure my hormone levels are rising as they should be. So in week 6 I had 2 blood tests done and got the call from the doctors office that everything looked great. Numbers were where they should be and rising. Praise the Lord. A little rest for my mind.

But as the days past the fear and worry began to set in. I would text my closest friend and confess the fear of another loss and ask her to pray for me. She was faithful to pray. I was faithful to continue to worry. When I am consumed with worry and fear it is hard for me to function. It is hard for me to get out of bed much less eat or drink or take care of my kids. So day by day I would fight this fight. I would pray that I would 'feel' sick so I would 'feel' pregnant. I prayed that the fear and worry would go away but most of all I prayed that everything would be ok with this baby.

I had my 1st OB visit scheduled for January 6th so I knew that sometime before that we would have an ultrasound and we would see the baby and the sweet heartbeat. That day couldn't come fast enough...

Blogging Life in the ups and downs

2010-01-12T05:42:00.003-06:00

Our best family Christmas photo of the year. It is so hard to get a good picture of our family. Gunner and Ed both hate having their pictures taken. But I wanted to show our precious family at Christmas. A lot has happened between Christmas and now.

In an act of obedience once again, I am going to expose my latest life hurt to my blogging and Facebook friends. My blog is set up to feed into my notes on Facebook so you could see it both places. If you are a blogger I'm going to be silly and ask you to comment (if you so desire) on my blog not Facebook.

Wow--this is harder to start than I thought...

The family picture is special to me because at the time I was 8 weeks pregnant and having wonderful dreams of what our family would look like next Christmas. Would we have another boy or another girl? How would Gunner and Rylee welcome this new baby into our family? Would I be breastfeeding again? Would I be having many sleepless nights again or would this one be my good sleeper? How would Ed be with baby #3?

Dreams, questions, and thoughts of a how adding this new life to our family would change everything. The sad fact is that this baby, which is actually baby #4 in our family, will and has changed everything but will not live with us on earth. This baby will spend all of its days in the presence of the Lord. This baby will never know the pain and hurt I am experiencing right now. This baby will live with our baby Rose, with Uncle Brian, with my MeeMaw and Pa, with my PawPaw and with Ed's mom whom I have never met. We will have a great reunion one day. Until then I will look for the Lord in this hurt. I will trust in Him. I will share with others my hurt and pain.

In the next couple of days I have decided to blog some emails that I sent to my dear friends during the past couple of weeks with the details and timeline of how everything has happened and I hope to show God's faithfulness in those emails. I hope to show others how He has made a difference for me in this dark time.

I certainly have not arrived by any means but for me this is part of my journey of healing.

Psalm 56:8

You've kept track of my every toss and turn

through the sleepless nights,

Each tear entered in your ledger,

each ache written in your book.

Rylee's Faces

2009-12-26T13:06:00.002-06:00

Rylee had an olive Christmas eve and it wasn't her favorite. Don't think she'll say more or please for that again!

Gunner's Santa Faces

2009-12-26T12:40:00.002-06:00

Someone has taught Gunner the fun of making faces for the camera. Here's a few pics from last night in his Santa hat and 'Sprocket' outfit (really it was his long under ware that he didn't want to change out of)

Brotherly and Sisterly Love

2009-12-17T20:44:00.004-06:00

Caught some cute pics of Gunner and Rylee lovin on each other tonight. I had to share! These 2 love each other so much. It's fun to watch them together (once you get over Gunner being a little rough and Rylee being such a little one)!

Precious!

Sweet kisses.

Both of them are open mouth laughing. That's some serious laughter and such sweet music to my ears.

The Cutest Wiseman and Angel Ever!

2009-12-17T20:10:00.003-06:00

The kids Christmas program was today and as I heard it said from someone "There is nothing like children acting out the Christmas story to put you in the mood for Christmas". Gunner was a wise man (which I was very proud). He did great! He sat when and where he was suppose to sit. He sang when he was suppose to sing. He rang his bell when he was suppose to ring his bell. This is the 1st time in his 3 years of being in Christmas programs that I remember him staying with his class and doing what he was suppose to do. In years past he has been by my side once he laid eyes on me.

Here he is waiting patiently for his part.

I'm pretty sure he was saying "That's my mom!" what a way to melt my heart!

Isn't this a precious picture of the wise men worshiping Jesus!

Now he is done but still sitting with the other wise men

so it's ok that he looks completely board!

Me and the kiddos after the program. I was a proud momma today as always!

Rylee was an angel and was just perfect. Her halo stayed straight and on her head and her wings had just the right tilt! It was fun to see her all dressed up. She is definitely my little angel.

She's getting ready to kiss baby Jesus.

A sweet smile for Mommy!

She loves babies! You can't tell but she is waving with her right hand and probably saying "Hi Gabe" which is what she calls every baby.

I Love this picture of her.
Precious Angel, Mommy loves you so much!

Wednesday's are the best!

2009-11-20T16:21:00.008-06:00

Zach and Gunner are thrilled with our new Wednesday routine of going to Bible School (BSF) and then coming to our house to play and eat lunch. Laney is along for the ride and usually has some fun herself. It's tough for such a pretty girl with the tough boys around.

This week they played in the leaves and the fabulous Sarah Lundin took some great pics of the kids. Check Sarah out at http://sarahs-sweet-photography.blogspot.com/2009/11/its-official.html.

Sweet Rylee is examining the leaves--so fun!

The big kids were making 'leaf angels'!

Gunner and Rylee playing together. We had the bumbo out for Hallie to sit in but Rylee still thinks its a cool place to sit.

The big kids are all grins for Sarah.

Action shot...with Laney right in the middle of the action.

Such a great picture of Gunner and a genuine smile.
Thanks for capturing it Sarah!

Poor Hallie was covered in leaves by all the big kids but I'm afraid Gunner may have contributed the most.

Rylee's 1st Birthday Party

2009-11-08T17:19:00.006-06:00

We finally celebrated Rylee's 1st Birthday last week (just a few weeks late...better than never right?). Rylee had so much fun! It was a simple family party. In an effort to make it simple we decided to order dinner. We even had it delivered! So we had hot wings, pasta, salad and bread sticks. Of course that was followed by birthday cake and ice cream.

Rylee wore her tutu that was shower gift from Michelle Clark. She is getting a little bigger around the waste so it's probably time to order another one... She also had a 'Birthday Girl' crown which she happily kept on for the whole party and a 'Birthday Girl' shirt with a cutie cupcake on it. I love dressing her in fun girly things. So FUN!

She was so happy and having a ball!

Gunner helped open most of her presents. It was sweet to watch him open them for her while she sat on her throne, I mean her new rocking chair.

Yummy cake--Rylee took tiny little pinches of the icing and stayed pretty clean. Daddy and PawPaw tried to get her a little messy but she didn't really join in. Unlike Gunner, we had to put him directly in the bathtub after his cake (on his 1st birthday).

Baby Gabe (Rylee's 2nd cousin) was at her party and she was thrilled. We get to spend every Monday with Baby Gabe and it makes Rylee's day!

We didn't get pictures of everyone but MeeMaw and PawPaw, Uncle Steve and Aunt Debbie, Tyler and Bethany, Cody and Blake also celebrated with us. Thanks for making Rylee's 1st birthday celebration special!

Costume Pics

2009-11-01T22:45:00.004-06:00

Rylee--the flower which was a costume that our cousin Lexi wore when she was close to Rylee's age. We love good hand me downs! MeeMaw made the outfit and I put the hat together. There are 11 flowers on her hat and she looked adorable!

Gunner is so proud of his Super Why costume that he wanted to have his picture taken...that's saying something!

Gunner and Rylee love their MeeMaw and we are so thankful for her. Thanks MeeMaw for the awesome costumes that you spent your precious time and energy on. They made Gunner and Rylee's Halloween a ton of fun.

Halloween 2009--Candy Scouting

2009-11-01T21:34:00.004-06:00

The Hitchcock Family ready to go 'Candy Scouting' as Gunner calls it.

One of MeeMaw's specialties is to make Halloween costume each year for the kids. Gunner decided to be Super Why from the PBS show Super Readers. And MeeMaw did a fabulous job putting his costume together. At the last minute Ed decided that the two of us needed to dress up too. Saturday morning I made a run to Walmart and go my supplies to put my costume together and between what we had a home and a contribution from one of Ed's co-workers we pulled it off! SO here we are all dressed up. I was Wonder Red and Ed was Alpha Pig--pig nose and all! Since it was so last minute I didn't get a chance to put a Princess P outfit together for Rylee so she went as a flower.

We hung out with good friend and had a great time eating hot dogs roasted over the fire pit, Candy Scouting (trick or treating) and finishing the night off with smors. A fun time was had by all.

(Disclaimer...the rest of these are in a crazy order and I am too lazy to rearrange them--sorry!)

Toward the end of Candy Scouting Super Why was getting a little worn out so Alpha Pig saved the day and carried him. Hip Hip Hooray!

Hannah and Rylee hanging out in the wagon.

This was my horrible idea to get all the kids on the stairs to take their picture.

Sorry, I hope someone else got a better shot.

Miss Rylee the flower girl. The hat was priceless!

Super Why and the Farmer.

Notice that Super Why has his Why Writer and Farmer has his big ol' belt buckel.

LOVE IT!

Sweet pic of Mommy and Rylee before Candy Scouting.

Sweet pic of Daddy and Rylee after Candy Scouting.

Bixby Pumpkin Patch with the Giles

2009-10-30T10:27:00.005-05:00

As stated in my previous post about the pumpkin patch Gunner LOVES to go. So we joined the Giles at the Bixby Pumpkin patch several weeks ago and I'm just now posting pics.

My kiddos never seem to cooperate with the cute pictures. One is always looking away.

But they are darn cute!

Of course Rylee is a typical girl and seems to love to have her picture taken.

Chris helped hold Rylee while I shot a few pics on the hayride.

Jen and sweet Hannah

The best of the worst! (pictures that is...)

Rylee was standing there like a big girl but did need to be rescued when the goats decided her flower looked like a yummy treat.

Madeline and Gunner rode the camel together and had great fun!

Chris was helping the kids discover the different sizes, shapes and textures of the pumpkins.

Gunner is all boy. Madeline and Hannah never even dreams of climbing the ropes that held down the tent. Gunner on the other hand loved swinging from the rope.

Happy First Birthday Rylee

2009-10-14T21:54:00.003-05:00

Today my sweet Rylee is ONE! Hard to believe a year has past. Most of you know when you have children you kind of forget what life was like without them. And that is so the case with me.

Rylee is growing fast. She is walking and talking and eating like crazy! Her words are few but she likes to say them, especially 'eat' and 'hi' (and of course 'momma' 'da da' and 'nunner'). This girl can eat. She has been eating table food since she was 9 months old and hasn't looked back. Most meals she will eat twice what Gunner will eat. But she is still a tiny one! We haven't had her 1 year check up but when I weighed her recently she weighed 16 lbs. She was 8 lbs 8 oz when she was born!

She absolutely loves babies. She loves her family too! She is a momma's girl most of the time but boy when Ed gets home she wants some daddy lovin'. Gunner can be her best friend and her biggest frustration. It's going to be so neat to watch their relationship grow.

I found a couple of sweet pictures of how their friendship began.

Gunner is giving her his present he bought for her with daddy.

This is the night I went into the hospital. There are few prego pics of me...maybe I'll take more if there is a next time.

I love you baby girl!

Almost ONE!

2009-10-10T21:48:00.000-05:00

Baby Rylee is almost ONE! She is showing off her new hat from Aunt Anita! Boomer Sooner!

1st 2009 Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

2009-09-28T15:17:00.008-05:00

Gunner LOVES the Pumpkin Patch. His first trip was when he was 10 months old and I wanted to get to cutest pumpkin pactch pics ever. I will try to dig them up. They were pretty darn cute, but I already knew he did not like his picture taken so they were not near what I had imagined. But despite the less than desired pics, it has become a tradition that Gunner has taken ownership in.

He has gone every year several times. I didn't make it to the pumpkin patch last year because I was 'well with child' and then a new mommy trying to adjust. Daddy took him which is way cooler anyway. He cries and cries when the pumpkin patch goes away. He doesn't understand seasonal events yet. He thinks it should be a year around thing. Why would you want to close something that is so much fun?

Well, this year we had been counting the days to Friday September 25th when the pumpkin patch would open. We made frequent drive bys to see if it was open even though it wasn't Friday September 25th. Finally Friday September 25th rolled around and Gunner had a really really bad afternoon and I could not take him to the pumpkin patch. His little heart was broken (and so was mine--I wanted to get out of the house but I could tell that it would be a disaster if we went so the opportunity was taken away from him). So Saturday morning Gunner got a second chance. Off to the pumpkin patch we went.

Gunner loved it, no surprise there! He claimed his very own tractor and struggled to ride it in the tall grass and the gravel (neither worked out too well for him). He slid on the big slide and played with sister in the play houses. He has asked over and over and over if we could go to the pumpkin patch again. Soon baby soon...

Rylee loved it too. She had her own tractor to ride and was amused watching Gunner run and play. She is trying to get in on the action but the ground was still a little wet so she was confined to the stroller most of the time.

Saying sorry

2009-09-25T10:00:00.003-05:00

Well, as we sit at the table eating apples and peanut butter I had an encounter with Gunner that I wanted to get written down.

Mommy "I'm sorry I don't feel very good today."

Gunner "Sorry that you can't play with me today?"

Mommy "Yes."

Gunner "It's ok. Sometimes our bodies don't feel good and sometimes they get better."

I'm praying that I feel better soon so that I can play with my little buddie who is so quick to forgive.

Teeth/Material Girl

2009-09-23T15:53:00.004-05:00

(photo taken by the fabulous Sarah Lundin)

Look at Miss Rylee's teeth! This is one of the few pics I have of her where you can see her little teeth that are coming in. She has 2 on the bottom that are in and all 4 on the top that are trying to come through.

These pictures crack me up. With Ed's prompting I have agreed that is high time Rylee start wearing shoes. So this past weekend I picked up 2 pair in hopes that one would work since she wasn't with me to try them on. Unfortunately neither one will work. It is also unfortunate that Rylee decided immediately that she liked both of them so well that I'm not sure I have the heart to take them back (seriously I will take them back so please don't start planning an intervention for me). But she is so cute playing with them like they are purses. I completely crack up when she does it. Yes, the girl is standing by herself (with the 2 bags/boxes in her hands) and has even taken 3 steps at a given time. It won' be long and well, who know what but it won't be long....

Camping in the backyard

2009-09-21T13:19:00.003-05:00

Friday night Ed and Gunner went camping in the back yard. They had so much fun setting the tent up, getting their sleeping gear together, and eating in the tent. I surprised them with rice krispy treats and glow stick necklaces. Rylee joined in for rice krispy treats but didn't get the chance to sleep in the tent. Ed and Gunner watched shows on Ed's iphone and then drifted off to sleep until Gunner decided he was cold which was about 3:30 am. Ed and Gunner came in and crawled into Gunner's bed. The problem was that I heard Gunner but not Ed so I decided to see if he was still asleep in the tent (he is a heavy sleeper so it was possible). I went down stairs and found that the back door was locked. Then I started to chuckle at the thought of Ed being locked out in the middle of the night. I really really didn't want to go outside and check the tent. So I didn't...but I did check Gunner's bed and found the two of them snuggled up like two peas in a pod.

I love the picture of them making silly faces together. They made the exact same silly face!

Rylee Bug

2009-08-06T22:28:00.004-05:00

Here are a few cutie patutie pics of Rylee. Thanks Miss Sarah for taking some great ones of my girl!

OK--how can you not love that face? She has a thing where she scrunches her nose ALL the time and it cracks me up. She is great fun to have around!

We're Grown Ups Now--When Did This Happen?

2009-07-24T09:52:00.002-05:00

In the past couple of days I have been thinking about all the life things that have and are happening in the lives of the people I love and care deeply about. Somehow, somewhere along the way of life I became a grown up, my friends have become grown ups, and life has happened. The idea of being invincible and nothing bad happening has gone away completely and the reality of life has settled in.

Becoming widowed mother of very young children, loosing a parent, loosing a brother or sister, loosing a child, loosing an infant. A marriage facing infertility. Marriage ending in divorce. Becoming the care giver for a parent. Having to make tough choices a child hopes to never have to make for their parent. Being jobless. Raising children and having those really bad days that you aren't proud of. Depression. Suicide. Cancer.

That is just a quick list that I can think of many of you reading this could add more to that list of the things we hope we never have to face. How do people who don't know Jesus personally face the things of life? How do they survive?

I don't know when I became a grown up. And I'm still not sure what I want to be. I do know I want to help others face life with Jesus.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

Disobedience--Gunner's putting it all together

2009-07-01T20:42:00.005-05:00

If you have hung out with me and Gunner I'm sure you've heard me say at least once that I want Gunner to be 'respectful and obedient.' To me those words cover the majority of things in life. Respect others, their space, their time, their things and obey, do what your asked to do the first time. (We are adding self-control but really if we could master those 3 things, I think we would have a fine young man on our hands.)

ANYWAY...tonight on the way to church Gunner starts telling me that Jonah was inside a whale for 10 days (so he's a little off on his facts), and that their were other fish and crabs in the whale, and it was dark and stinky. He then asked me why Jonah was in the whale. I told him because Jonah was disobedient. The conversation went on for a while until finally Gunner had the courage to ask the question that was on his mind "Mommy if I'm disobedient are you going to put me in the whale's belly?"

No wonder my boy didn't like Sea World!

Legoland

2009-05-24T13:37:00.003-05:00

OK I am so far behind on blogging that I thought I would just start with the most exciting thing that has happened lately and go with it. Catching up at this point is, well...pointless!
So we took our first real family vacation to San Diego a couple of weeks ago and had a blast!
Yes, that's right the 4 of us flew to San Diego and stayed a week. We went to Legoland (for 3 days), the Sea Life Aquarium that is attached to Legoland (but you have to pay extra to enter), and Sea World. We also swam in the pool, picked strawberries, and shopped just a little.
Legoland is awesome for kids Gunner's ago up to probably 6 or so. There are only 2 roller coasters so most rides were suitable for his age and he had a blast. So people have said "really 3 days? Was there that much to do?" Not necessarily but Gunner is all about repetition and he was in heaven going to Legoland day after day. He would have again and again. He would ask us each night if he got to go to Legoland the next day.
Here are some fun pics.

Pay Sussies Forward

2009-03-27T22:31:00.003-05:00

I love getting "sussies"! What is a "sussie" you ask? A "sussie" is an unexpected gift....a surprise....a special little treat!

If you don't read Julie Ryker's blog, you should! She is a hoot. AND she gives great style advice. Check out the post What every woman should know. At any rate, she is the reason I am posting this post. I commented on her post about sussies and thought what the heck. I really hope 3 of you comment because I am in a crafty mood and I have some good gifts in mind!

So here's the rules:

I will send a hand made gift to the first three people who leave a comment on this post requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and sent out sometime soon within the year. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive. What you need to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ON YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO THREE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG.

Recap: The first three people who comment, commit to the PIF thing. The gifts are supposed to be hand made. I know a lot of you are probably thinking that you can't get in on it because you aren't "crafty" enough. If you really want in on it but don't find yourself crafty enough, I am sure it would be okay to support someone you know that has a handmade crafty kind of business. Buy a gift from them. Got it?

So hurry and be one of the top 3 so you can get a "sussie"

So much to blog so little time...

2009-03-25T11:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I am afraid I am falling off the blogger wagon or is it I am falling on? I haven't posted in what a month? And this is why...as I sit here trying to type this my wonderful Gunner is putting his sunglasses in my face asking if I want to wear them. Of course I don't want to wear them but that doesn't stop him from asking and offering over and over and over again. Too bad he isn't so eager to share his toys with his friends.

So I have lots to blog about and a bunch of pictures but I can't seem to find the time. A trip to Burleson (including a trip to the Ft Worth zoo), a trip to the lake house (including rock climbing and horse back riding), a trip to the lake with the Giles family (I'm not so motivated to blog that one since Jen already did maybe I will just attach a link to her blog), Gunner flying a kite, and much much more.

Life seems to be crazy as always.

I'm think of planning a craft camp for some of my girlfriends. Anyone interested? We would plan a Friday night and all day Saturday. Daddy's would be on duty that weekend for the kids of course. Planning on having it at my mom's house where we can spread out. She also has a sewing machine and surger if anyone would need that for their project. Hoping to do sometime in April or May. What do you think?

Diagnosis from the Genetic Doctor

2009-02-26T21:47:00.006-06:00

We saw Dr Kayser, who is a geneticist, this week and received a diagnosis we are comfortable with for now. We will have additional conversations with our pediatrician and seek wisdom from the Lord as we move forward.

He diagnosed her with hemihypertrophy.

The following is directly from a website that he directed us to (for the complete article if you are all that interested you can read it at healthline. com). I just copied the highlights that pertain to Rylee.

Hemihypertrophy, more correctly termed hemihyperplasia, is defined as the enlargement of one side of the body or part of the body.

Hemihypertrophy is characterized by unequal (asymmetric) growth of the limb. The size difference can involve only a specific part of the body such as a finger (called simple hemihypertrophy).*

The cause and exact mechanism of isolated hemihypertrophy is not known. The asymmetry occurs most likely as a result of an increase in the rate of cell growth, or unregulated cell growth.

Isolated hemihypertrophy occurs in about one in 86,000 live births.

As with other overgrowth syndromes, there is an increased risk for childhood cancers in people with isolated hemihypertrophy (about 6%), particularly cancers of the kidney (Wilms tumor, 3% of individuals), adrenals, and liver.

A protocol to screen for childhood cancers has been proposed, which includes abdominal ultrasound every three months until age six, every six months until puberty, and careful medical follow-up of patients into adulthood. Surgical intervention is appropriate if cancers are detected. Monitoring of serum alpha fetoprotein levels may also be useful as a marker of hepatic tumors.

Hemihypertrophy does not alter lifespan, although complications from associated abnormalities such as childhood cancer and mental retardation** can cause problems. Asymmetry of the limbs can interfere with their proper function and cause pain. Insecurities due to disfigurement are possible and can be addressed through support groups or therapy.***

*Since only Rylee's arm is affected she has what is considered simple or isolated hemihypertrophy.

**mental retardation is NOT a concern in Rylee's case.

***they forgot to list prayer...

So what's next? We will begin to have ultrasounds and blood work every three months as recommended to monitor the increased risk for childhood cancers as stated in the article. But to us a 6% increase is not something to be overly concerned about. That means there is a 94% chance that all will be fine--I'll take those odds anyday!

That being said, the important thing is that our God is bigger than percentages. He is bigger than odds. He is bigger than this diagnosis. He has a plan and a purpose for Rylee's life and has formed her exactly the way she is suppose to be formed. I believe with all my heart God has a special purpose for Rylee's life (as with all of us). I look forward to seeing how God will touch our precious girl and grow her into a beautiful woman who knows Him, loves Him, and follows Him with all of her heart.

For you created Rylee's inmost being; you knit her together in my womb. I praise you because Rylee is fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Rylee's form was not hidden from you when she was made in the secret place. When she was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw her unformed body. All the days ordained for her were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
Amen

More pitcures of my treasure

2009-02-18T14:20:00.005-06:00

Wearing Pawpaw's hat at the lake house

Playing with Pawpaw and Brocco.

He loves Baby Rylee more than I could imagine.

Having fun at the mall.

OK--I could upload hundreds of pictures but thats all for now. I love this guy!

Pictures of my treasure

2009-02-18T13:24:00.008-06:00

He is cautious of rides but if Daddy's doing it he will too!

Lovin' on MeeMaw while she's trying to sew.

Scary picture of me but he's lovin' on me with a irrisistable smile (maybe a little cheesy but I love it)!

He asked to have this picture taken which rarely happens.

My treasure

2009-02-18T12:52:00.004-06:00

Life has been a little testing at our house over the past couple of weeks. Many times I have thought I just don't have what it takes to raise our son. A wise person who I go to often for advise and encouragement gave me a picture that I hope I never loose site of.

Make sure you are raising your children because they are your treasure not your trophy. Too often I am concerned about what other people think. I get caught up in how I look as a parent as a result of how Gunner is acting. This wise person, who happens to be my sister, encouraged me to think of Gunner as my treasure. It changes your perspective pretty quick. Of course I want Gunner to be well behaved and do what mommy and daddy ask him to do, especially when we are in public, but the fact is that's not always going to happen. It's a process that we are in the middle of and if I make it about me he will never get it and probably end up resenting me in the long run.

Gunner loves life. He loves his Mommy, Daddy and Baby. He loves his Meemaw and Pawpaw. He loves his cousins. He loves his friends. He loves going to church. He loves playing inside, outside, it don't matter--he loves to play but not by himself, he wants to share that joy with others. He loves to get donuts on Saturday mornings with his Daddy. It's a double bonus if its nice enough outside to go play mini golf. He loves going to the lake house. He loves Brocco (his Pawpaw's black lab). He loves to ride his bike, look for puddles and go down hills. Honestly there aren't too many things he doesn't like--well maybe eating and getting his picture taken but I think that's just because he is required to sit still!

Gunner is my treasure. I love him more than life itsself and look forward to seeing what God has in store for this little man.

OK--I was going to post some pictures of him but it is taking For Ever and I just don't have time to wait. I'll try again later. Right now my treasure needs some attention!

MRI Results and the next step on this journey

2009-02-18T12:10:00.004-06:00

Well I had meant to update this much sooner but life has not given me the chance to sit down at the computer for more than a few minutes with both hands available. You see generally when I am on facebook or blog stalking I am feeding Rylee so I only have one arm/hand available OR I'm on my phone and haven't figured out how to post to my blog--I'm sure it can be done but that will come at a later date.

Rylee's MRI was Feb 9th. Dr Raley finally called us on Thursday. He called our home phone so he had the pleasure of talking to Gunner on the phone! We only have our home phone for 911 and our alarm system and rarely get calls we want to take SO we let Gunner answer the home phone and talk to the sales men/women. They usually hang up pretty quick.

I was feeding Rylee and could hear Gunner's side of the conversation and figured out pretty quick that this person was not going to hang up so I told Gunner to get his Daddy. When Ed answered he started chuckling--it was Dr Raley the perfect person to chat with Gunner on the phone.

The MRI came back NORMAL! Praise the Lord! It was so normal that the radiologist asked Dr Raley why the MRI was ordered. So what does that mean? Well her arteries and veins are totally normal in her arm so there is no concern with her heart. Did I say Praise the Lord? We are now looking at a genetic abnormality meaning that for some reason her arm developed differently. We will go see a geneticist in a couple of weeks and try to get answers on how it will continue to grow and what impact it might have on her ability to use the arm long term.

As of now she is using the arm and grasping things with her hand so it seems her mobility and use won't be affected.

God is good. He has his hand on Rylee and we continue to trust in him.

Here's a picture of our sweet girl in her hospital gown. She's playing with her toys not having a clue what momma and daddy are getting ready to put her through. I'm glad she won't remember this day.

MRI

2009-02-09T22:52:00.000-06:00

Well today was the big day!

We reported to St Francis Children's Hospital at this morning for Rylee's MRI. (The Children's Hospital is an impressive facility.) Everything went well. We just had to deal with the normal stresses here and there.

She was a trooper when they started the IV. Just cried enough to let them know she was hurt--her hand hurt and I think her feelings were hurt a little too. Ed conveniently had to go to the bathroom right when they came to start the IV!

We were told the MRI would take about 30-45 minutes. Unfortunately it took a lot longer then we thought. She was away from us for about 2 1/2 hours. We were told it took longer to 'get her on the table' than they expected. This could be because they actually had to do general anesthetic rather than just a sedative in her IV. So we had the tube down the throat and everything. Apparently they also ended up doing more scans once they got started. The waiting was tough on Daddy!

Recovery was tough on Momma. She was crying, wouldn't eat, and coughing like crazy. They also couldn't get a good pulse-ox read. Thankfully she looked good so they were not overly concerned about that. But the machines kept beeping and they kept having to mess with her feet to readjust trying to get a better read. Recovery lasted about an hour. She did decide a little sugar water sounded good and took about an ounce of that finally!

We have not heard from Dr Raley. Hoping to hear from him in the morning. I will update when we hear something.

Thank you for your prayers. The extra scan has me a little concerned but I am trusting in the Lord with my little girl. Look at that beautiful smile--love her!

Rylee's Arm (rewind...)

2009-01-29T22:45:00.003-06:00

I'm feeling bad because a couple of you had no idea there was something wrong with Rylee's arm. So here is the original email I sent out (keep in mind some things have changed since this I sent the email). I am also including a picture so you can see the difference. We have our MRI scheduled for Feb 9th. We will know more then.

I'm sure some of you know there is a problem with Rylee's left forearm. I wanted to try to explain what I can. We don't know much except she has an AV malformation in her forearm. Basically her arteries and her veins did not form correctly. To know the extent of the damage we will have to do an MRI which will require her to be put to sleep. Not really sure how soon we will do that. We will probably end up going to Little Rock for testing and treatment. If you look up AV malformation on the Internet it is scary so I'm limiting my 'research' time. Most of what you find talks about the malformation being in the brain which is far more serious. Her left arm and hand are visible larger than her right. As I understand it, depending on the treatment, this is something that will be visible her entire life.Please pray for us. We will have a lot of tough decision to make in the months to come. Pray also for Rylee's health and healing.

It's cruddy outside and inside

2009-01-27T16:18:00.003-06:00

Today I woke up with a dizzy headache. The room was spinning even when I was laying down. And when I tried to get up I would just stumble like a drunk. Ed went to work with me in bed, Rylee in her bed and Gunner downstairs watching TV. When Rylee woke up I had to get out of bed (I was thinking I would be better by then but no such luck). I stumbled to her room and down the stairs and took my place in my 'facebook chair' as Ed refers to it. Started to try to feed Rylee and about fell out of the chair when I looked down at her. It put a strain on my neck I could hardly bear. I decided I felt bad enough to have Ed take me to Dr Newcomb (my chiropractor). I have had a couple of spells like this, Dr Newcomb said this was as bad as my first which was really bad. That time I felt terrible for about a week. (Some of you may remember me emailing you asking for you to pray for me. I thought for sure I had a brain tumor and was dying!) I am praying it doesn't last that long this time.

So here I sit making this entry to my blog wondering what do mom's do when they are sick or out of commission? Generally I have my mom come take care of me and the kids but she is iced in at some friends house about an hour away so she can't come to my rescue. Poor Gunner doesn't understand when mommy feel bad but he has done pretty good today...lots of TV time!

Let me just say if I ever offer to help you out with your kids when you are sick I really really mean it (Michelle Clark). Appreciate your prayers for quick healing.

Ed's Cheezy 37th Birthday!

2009-01-23T15:39:00.003-06:00

So if you were at dinner at the church on Wednesday night you got to witness me and my cheesiness. Ed's birthday was Wednesday and Gunner was into it! When Gunner woke up Wednesday morning he wanted to yell 'surprise' when he saw Ed. He was telling me he would count one, two, three and then say surprise. I kept trying to get him to whisper while he was telling me his plan but getting Gunner to whisper is, well, impossible (any pointers on teaching a 3 year old to whisper is much appreciated). Anyway he yelled 'surprise' just as he had planned and of course Ed got a kick out of it.
Ed went to work and the fun began. Rylee decided to sleep in so Gunner and I made Ed a strawberry cake--his favorite. Gunner had a ball and as usual was thrilled to be doing something special for his daddy. Next was our trip to Target to get candles and a present. We secured the candles, Toy Story and a Wii Fit. The excitement was building and Gunner could hardly wait until he could give Ed his cake and presents. The only problem was, since it was Wednesday me and the kids would be at church and Ed was planning on working late then going to church to play basketball. Gunner would be in bed before Ed came home. So I called Ed and told him Gunner had made a cake for him and was going to be very disappointed if he didn't get to share it with him so we decided to celebrate at church. I felt like a major dork hauling in presents and a cake. Even a bigger dork when I pulled out the lighter and lit the 24 candles for Ed's 37th birthday. But to see Gunner's face made it worth it. We shared our cake with the Clarks and the Vincents and had our self a little party in the middle of the gym. I thought taking pictures would just be over the top so there are no pics to share!
The Wii Fit is still in the box. Ed hasn't had the energy to get it out. I told him I was no expert on exercise but I had heard that you gained energy by working out!
We watched Toy Story as a family last night. Gunner's still a little young and for a little boy who usually takes handfuls of toys to bed took very few last night. I really think it freaked him out!

Rylee's MRI is scheduled

2009-01-21T08:47:00.004-06:00

OK so yesterday I finally made the call to schedule Rylee's MRI. We will check in at the St Francis Children's Hospital at 9:30am on Feb 9th. Not bad (on the time). And I can nurse her up until 7:30. I was pleasantly surprised by that.
So please pray for us between now and then and I will send a big fat reminder that day for prayer because I'm sure this momma is going to be a nervous wreck when they take my precious girl away.
Pray that we have clarity with the MRI in knowing what her diagnosis is. Pray that we will have wisdom in her treatment.

Eating a little Orville Redenbacher Salt and Pepper pop corn as I type this post--a new fav!

Gunner's 3 year old check up

2009-01-12T20:51:00.003-06:00

Last week Gunner had his 3 year check up with Dr Raley.

He is 40.3 inches high and 34 pounds and 14 ounces. He is a tall and slim.

Amoung other things I asked Dr Raley when we could expect him to have some self control. Raley told me 'when he's 25, if I'm lucky and that's pushing it'. Despite Raley's response we are working on self control and boy is it hard.

On the way home I was talking to Gunner and said 'Dr Raley takes good care of us. Doesn't he?' Gunner responds 'no mommy Jesus takes good care of us.' I should have left it at that but asked him why Jesus takes good care of us. I was looking for 'because he loves us'. I got something about Jesus coming down in a car and taking care of us! He cracks me up.

Rylee's Little Rock Appointment

2009-01-05T22:14:00.006-06:00

We have returned from Rylee's appointment and I thought I would update here rather than emailing/facebooking everyone.

The short answer is we don't know anything. Doesn't sound too comforting but actually it is in some strange way. Keep in mind Dr Raley set the appointment up for us so we went into it a little blind.

Yesterday we saw Dr Jay Kincannon, a very sweet man (I'm sure he'd be thrilled to be described as sweet). He is, of all things, a Professor of Dermatology & Pediatrics specializing in Vascular Anomolies. This was surprise #1. I assumed we would be seeing a cardiovascular doctor. He is not convinced that it is an AV malformation; he also doesn't think it’s a hemangioma. He noted that the bone structure is actually larger. That was surprise #2. No one has ever mentioned her bone structure being involved—only veins and arteries. It seems to be larger from the shoulder blade all the way to the hand. Because of the bone structure being in the mix, he paged a Pediatric Orthopedic doctor and reviewed her status. That Dr agreed that it didn’t sound like an AVM or hemangioma. He added that we should have an ultrasound done of the renal system as somehow the kidneys could be involved in the diagnosis. That was surprise #3. Who would have thought kidneys might be involved.

Both Dr’s said it could be a number of things but as we have been told from the beginning the ONLY way to know anything is to have an MRI. That can be done in Tulsa since 'a scan is a scan'. If we end up going for treatment somewhere and they are not happy with the MRI done here, we can scan again.

Dr Raley’s office let me know this morning that St Francis will be calling to schedule the MRI and ultrasound. So the ball is rolling on that.

Thanks for your prayer and concern. It is hard to know what to think. It is sounding more like it may be something that is not treatable. That is ok—especially if is not life altering.

Poop presents

2009-01-04T22:46:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks after Rylee was born Ed and I decided it was time to get serious about potty training. Ed and I had differing opinions on the method but we agreed on the outcome we were trying to attain. Ed thought we should give presents daily. I felt like it was a little overboard. After a heated discussion it was decided that Ed's plan was the way to go. All that is beside the point except to say that Ed's method seems to have brought success. Gunner has been wearing big boy pants for several weeks now and has had very few accidents. Well, I ran out of .88 items to buy at Walmart so I just quit buying them. Thus we had no presents. Gunner continued to poop and mentioned presents when he was on the potty but quickly forgot by the time he pulled up his pants, flushed, shut the lid and washed his hands.
Saturday Gunner and Ed were running around together and out of the blue Gunner said 'Daddy we need to go get my presents. Remember I pooped and we didn't have any presents. Remember Daddy I pooped in the potty and made you and Mommy so happy.' Gunner got another present, imagine that!

Gunner has also had a few other moments the past few days:

After being put in time out on the couch and told by Ed to 'think about' what he had done, Gunner puts his hand to his chin and says 'hum'.

As we were walking downstairs one morning after the holidays Gunner says 'Mommy we can't play or ride bikes without Daddy'. That was a boring day for us!

While watching Elf as they are singing Santa Clause Is Coming To Town, Gunner sings loud for all to hear 'Santa Clause is coming to my house!'

Rylee's Arm

2009-01-04T22:39:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow we will go to Little Rock for Rylee's first appointment for her arm. We don't really know what to expect at all. We don't know if they will run any tests or if they will just do a physical exam. I am surprisingly calm.

Praying for healing. Praying for peace and wisdom. Praying for her doctors wisdom. Praying for a safe trip to Little Rock.

I will update when we return.

2009-01-01T22:06:00.000-06:00

Ed decided to take some pictures of Rylee tonight with her baby doll. Now he has her on the floor in her bumbo seat and is driving a remote control car for her entertainment. The car is pulling her baby doll around by her hair. I thought only brothers were supposed to torture baby dolls!

One more try

2008-12-30T23:34:00.002-06:00

So I started this blog almost (or over, not sure which one) two years ago and didn't really get into it too much. I had good intentions and just never felt like I had much to blog about. Well--as Gunner gets older, I get older. He is a pretty funny kid and I am a very forgetful person. So I thought I would take another stab at it for posterity (please tell me there is spell check somewhere on this thing).

I've spent time tonight picking out just the right back ground and family pic so I'm running out of steam. More to come--I promise!

Baby Rose

2007-06-18T14:48:00.001-05:00

Last Tuesday in the midst of mourning my Papa who had so peacefully returned to be with the Lord after 86 wonderful years on earth, another precious life on earth was peacefully ending and going on to be with the Lord.

This life was short. We had lost our baby during the eleventh week of pregnancy.

At my Papa’s funeral, his lineage was represented by a flower arrangement. A flower for each child, grandchild, and great-grandchild. There was also a rose bud representing his great-grandchild on the way.

Because of the rose bud, and because Daddy was convinced she was a girl, we decided it was appropriate to name her Rose. It was only later that we realized, the names Gunner and Rose, sound similar to a popular 80's rock-n-roll band.

Right now I have an aching question on my heart that I must share. If as believers we believe the bible says that life begins at conception, then why is it that we do not memorialize the loss of life of the unborn? I do not have any idea of how to memorialize. A funeral seems too much, but at least when a loved one dies we do have the funeral which brings us some closure and healing can begin. As we are faced with this miscarriage, the loss of our baby, I feel as if we have no outlet or starting point for the healing to begin.

I am 32 years old and for at least 12 years of my life, my biggest fear was miscarriage. Now we are having to face it. As Ed and I sat in the office visiting with the nurse she told us it was a loss and we would be sad, that there was no right or wrong way to feel or to deal with it. There is a wrong way for us, and that is to deal with it alone.

My plan for 12 years was that if it ever did happen I wanted as few people to know as possible. I now believe that God placed a burden on my heart and that Satan turned that into fear. Fear does not come from the Lord. I believe God has asked me to share this burden so that as a church family you can pray us through this difficult time. I know many of you cannot fully understand and still many others can. Your prayers will be different, we cherish all of them.

March Madness!

2007-03-21T17:15:00.001-05:00

Take me to bed mom!

2007-03-14T22:39:00.000-05:00

This is our life

2007-03-14T21:48:00.000-05:00

Well, this is our life. I thought we would share it with you.